This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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