trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
