so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
