I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
