Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
