It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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