i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
