my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
