I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
