I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
