just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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