Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wanna go halves on a baby?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
