I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize