We're facebook friends in real life
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
