lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
