I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
