I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
