i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
