just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm passing your future prison.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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