guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
