Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
