are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Boobs speak an international language.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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