sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
