now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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