what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
