Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
