Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
