haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ketchup is God's man juice
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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