No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
