i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
