He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
