I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
as a side note pls kill me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
