just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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