You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize