i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
