I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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