Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize