i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
