"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just invented taco cereal.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
