I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
