their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
