I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
