Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
