my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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