I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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