Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
