I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
