i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
