planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
