dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
