i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
