You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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