dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
