You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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