I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
