They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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