apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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