Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
