eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize