What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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