all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
