Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
