haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
