she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
