Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
