If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
