I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
