i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
