I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
