I accidentally had phone sex last night
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
