i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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