I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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