I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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