at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
