Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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