State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
