this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize