just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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